I've sent many years building the dreams of others - living in the regards of others, what do they want to do? - where do they want to go? bending at their whim. You today, me tomorrow. Is this the right way to be? I've certainly always thought so, and maybe it is. Maybe it's the only way society can work. - I really don't know.
Sincerely, life is pretty dang good when serving others. But honestly, I'm at a super big crossroads right now and it's been causing my wheels to turn. There are things I know I need to be doing, in regard to my personal projects and my work and the things I'm setting out to do. Researching, writing, creating and building - I'm determined to blaze a trail and I'm excited at the idea, but often the stresses of giving of myself to others seems to bog down my mental and physical energy so there's nothing left, or I feel guilty when inspiration strikes and it's time to do the building of my own.
Here's where I'm at. I'm trying to convince myself, at the moment, that it's time to build and it's time to do it well, and be the best at it I can, and fail often and in the open. - Simply to *be*, because doing so is the highest form of love of others. and that by creating and finding better ways to realize the visions and ideas I have for the world *or rather* to make real the ideas that stand out, excite and energize me. I am able to directly love at a higher capacity or maybe even provide for my loved ones long after I'm gone, if for nothing else but by way of familial, societal or cultural change, you know? - I don't care if I'm remembered, but it would be cool if my ideas or my labor can continue to bear fruit long after I'm gone.
Do my ideas or labor bear fruit in the present? That’s a topic for another day.
A couple days ago I became a dad! Maybe all of this is just my way of processing it. It's a wild ride and I'm still not sure what to expect, but I'm as ready as I can be I suppose and I'm sure that's what’s got me thinking of all of this. Am I afraid I'll never have another moment to work on this little candle in the breeze? My world’s about to change. - My number one goal of fatherhood is to be present for my child, to provide for them and to guide them too, but mostly to be present.
I just need to remind myself, it’s all about balance - it’s possible to serve others and follow your dreams. It’s important to aim for this balance in order to be the best version of ourselves for ourselves and others.